I did not recap 2020 and the only goal I had for 2021 was to survive it. The second half of 2020 and first 1/2 of 2021 was the worst possible year of my life. It had me questioning everything I thought I knew about myself, my marriage, family and friends. I made many mistakes and learned some very harsh truths.
My brother passed away from Covid. That single event lasted 4 solid months and changed me to my core. I do not think I will ever get over losing him. In addition, more friends and relatives have passed and many health issues concerning myself and my family have arisen.
I am not the same person I was. I don't think the same. I don't feel the same. I don't have the same interests that I once had. Isolation was not good for my mental health. Some therapy, medication and a couple of good friends helped me see things in a different light and I do not think I would be alive right now had it not been for them.
When I was at my absolute worst I took a trip to South Dakota. I climbed a mountain in ice, snow and wind. From that point forward things began to shift for me. For the last 30 years hiking has been the only constant activity I could count on to clear my mind. The past 6 months I have been able to hike is some of the most incredible and remote places. It is a source of joy that pulled me out of a very dark place.
I learned that I do not engage well with competitions and I no longer want to entertain those kind of relationships. I am not the best photographer, the fastest runner or a thru hiker, and I am OK with that. I am still going to enjoy those things with people who inspire and encourage me, and hopefully I do the same for them. One thing I know is my view of life is more about the journey than the destination.
I am most looking forward to this year being over. I still have some major hurdles in the near future but my mind is in a better place.