2019 was a complete sucker punch to the gut. There is no way I could have seen how completely my world would change this year. I set goals, like I have done since 2016, but once I lost my dad everything went out the window. I knew it was coming but I was not prepared. He was the toughest man I ever met and he went out that way. I f'n hate cancer. Also, my brother, despite it all, is a damn saint.

Since losing my dad I have looked for signs. I will come back to this. He was not a very overly affectionate man. Like I said, he was a tough guy. Like Clint Eastwood tough guy. He did however show us he loved us often by always being there. Always offering to help, even when he couldn't anymore. I spent most of my life living far away from him. I hate that. I hate that so much! When you lose a parent you go through the shoulda, woulda, coulda but I really haven't been able to dwell too much because not long after this we had another bomb drop in our lap and if that wasn't bad enough an even bigger one just after that. My husband and I lost sleep. I lost 12 lbs and some of my hair. I was a wreck. I could not live in a dangerous situation both at school, online and in our neighborhood. Needless to say when that 3rd bomb dropped we made hard fast decisions. In one week our entire life as we knew it, or every would know it, changed forever.

  So yeah...life has been pure crap this year. I feel like it is important to share the bad as much as the good because social media is such an illusion. We are much more connected yet feel so much more alone with it. With all of this strife hardcore changes had to be made.

So... we sold our house and moved. There were tears shed but the place is just a shadow of what used to be. The hardest part was leaving my animals that were buried in the yard. We had to move on...literally.

This is where I come back to the signs I was looking for.

I did a ghost hunt. Like a real one, if you believe in that stuff, I do. I learned a lot from that experience and I downloaded an app to search for paranormal activity. Yes there's an app for that! I looked for my dad but never did feel or find anything. I really didn't expect to. That would not have been his style. I did find him however the day we moved into our new house. You see, my parents had a chime clock. It played the Westminster chimes every hour on the hour. I remember it vividly. When my parents split my dad kept that clock. I had not thought about it in years until the Catholic Church near my new house played them. The Westminster church bells ring every hour on the hour and I can hear them clear as day on my front porch. My dad was still there for me when I need him the most. This is also where my faith in God was restored. I prayed, not for a miracle, but for him to get us through this dark time and for the first time in my left I felt like he listened. I did not ask or expect a miracle. I just could not see past the wall in front of me, but a miracle was exactly what I got. Everything fell into place. I did not realize how incredibly amazing our new home was until we moved into it. I mean it fit all the must haves, but I never dreamed of all the extra little things that would make me fall in love with it. My entire health has improved. I knew I was stressed but now I feel it in my body, my sleep and my attitude.

 Our yard is private and full of wildlife. Our dog is over the moon happy, and now so is my daughter's new puppy. There is plenty of room for them to run around. It seems like every person in our neighborhood has a dog. We have butterflies, praying mantis, deer, chipmunks, squirrels, snakes, frogs, hummingbirds, bats, owls and hawks and that is just what I have seen in the few months I have lived here! On Friday nights we can here the high school football games. We are super close to our downtown area that hosts events every weekend. There is little traffic! Though I live further from work my commute is better. I just keep finding more and more things I love. I feel like I have my son back, my life back, my time back! Moving is the best thing we ever did.

Now that we got all that out of the way let talk about goals. The goals I set were centered around self care so I can say without a doubt I nailed that. Maybe not the way I thought but the way I needed.

I got outside, everyday! Not the ways I outlined originally though. Another thing on my must have for my new house was a front porch. I sit on my front porch every single day and watch the sunset. We all do. It's the best family time of the day.

I visited at least 2 new cities. Dublin and Belfast. I also visited Beaumaris and Caernarfon, Wales. This was a trip of a lifetime and the best thing about this past year. Still... no solo trip though.

My old house got completely remodeled when we sold it. So that got done - ha! Now we are remodeling our new house to make it ours. New carpet, refinishing floors, new building, landscaping, paint, furniture and of course new pictures! I finally have my office/studio and I love love love it.

Half the year I was reading a ton. Joined 2 book clubs and then we moved. But I have really gotten into Podcasts. My son is getting into them too. Surprisingly he is more into reading now so maybe he will inspire me this next year. I splurged on a Black Friday deal and signed up for Audible. We shall see if I stick with it. I have already plowed through one book and I am impatiently waiting to listen to my next one. Not sure if this is for me or not yet.

So darn glad 2019 is almost over. It was our Phoenix year. We sure went down in flames but we are rising from the ashes.