*disclaimer-this post contains tons of pictures, some blurry, some old, some sad and will probably make you cry

Every pet owner dreads this day. The day you have to make the hardest decision of your life.

Zoe

I didn't get her as a puppy. She came to me into our home 4 years ago but she came into my heart when she was only 3.

Those eyes and ears melted my heart on day one. She mustered over to me and gave me that famous paw slap, which means pet me until your arm is tired and then pet me some more. Below is the look you get when you stop just before the famous slap.

I had a burgundy Doberman growing up, Brandy. He was MY dog. My brother would argue this but when we moved from NY to GA he did not make the move so he really became my dog. Dobermans are always going to be special to me.

When I met this girl, she was in a happy home, surrounded by other dogs and cats and spoiled. She was hands down the most gentle giant I ever met.

She was a scaredy cat. She loved to go on car rides and was excellent in the car. She loved to go for walks but she would never, EVER, relieve herself if she was on a lead. This became a problem when her owners and dear friends of mine moved into a condo in Greenville. She had no more yard. They figured out a work around with a local church who would let her run free to do her business so long as it was cleaned up. Clearly not an ideal situation but it worked. Then sadly her home situation was rocked by a divorce. Her original owner could not keep her and they were heartbroken over it. When I say she is the absolute sweetest dog you ever met, I mean it. I had joked in the past, as has so many others who met this princess, that I would steal her one day. There was even a thread on Facebook many years ago with a long list of people teasing her owners and fighting over who would better take care of her if ever there was a need. Even my #bestir who is not a dog person considered it.

I had a yard, a relationship with her and I made that decision fairly painless for them when they had to give her up. See, they knew I would love her like I had her forever because I had already loved her since I met her. I can never thank them enough for choosing me to be her forever home.

She was 7 almost 8 when her big, sweet, towering ball of fur came into our home and rocked the world of Callie and Zero.

It was not love at first sight for these guys. There was a lot of fighting over food, toys and coveted spots on the bed.

My poor old cat Callie got the worst of it. Zoe took a long time to get used to her. She was a hoover when it came to the litter box. I swear I had never clean out poop from the litter box again after Zoe arrived. Shane used to call it her crunch snacks. Ewwwwww!

Eventually they settled in

The second Shane got out of bed she was in his spot.

She became my running partner

She liked to suck on pillows and stuffed animals and she bit her nails.

Zero would chew up her beds and her toys until I got this one.

I think he knew she needed this orthopedic bed. And that blanket is hers forever. She would wrestle around with it until some how she got it to cover her.

She was just one big baby.

I loved her bark. It was so deep and menacing. The total opposite of what she was.

She would glide around the yard with such grace.

She instantly was family.

I remember her stealing tons of Greek food off of everyone's plate during my daughters graduation party. She was the perfect height to just sneak up to the table, or a lap and slide your gyro right out from under you. She ate her weight in lamb that day.

This was taken when I first brought her home.

Zero used to bully her until she finally kicked his ass. After that she would tolerate him until she had enough then she would come over and steal whatever toy he was playing with and guard it. He learned the hard way not to even try to get it back. He would shake and cry and bark but never go close enough to steal it back.

When the stairs finally became too much for her she would lay down at the bottom of them when I was up top working. Zero would always follow me (my shadow) but Zoe was jealous and she would not let him past her. He would whine at the top of the stairs when I would leave because she would lie at the bottom waiting for him and would snap if he tried to jump over her. It was like a scene from Star Wars.

She would be the main thing to get my son through the college years of his big sister not being home for him to sneak in her bed at night. She would lay in his bed until she could not jump into it anymore and then she laid beside it. Every night until her last.

This is my favorite picture of her.

 I wanted her to bask in the sun one more time. She loved to do that.

I took a lot of pictures. I wanted to remember everything.

SaveThis is the first picture I took of her. She was maybe 5. She was not yet a part of my family but she had already won my heart.

This is the last picture I have of her.

From the time she turned 10 things changed. By the time she was 11 she had become very clumsy. She always had a fatty tumor under her arm but it grew to the size of a basketball. Twice I tried to have it removed, Twice I was told it was too entangled in arteries and muscle on top of being in a terrible spot for recovery. It never bothered her but it became so big it made it hard to walk. I noticed more tumors. Xrays showed cancer but bloodwork showed all her organs were good. We were told that we would know when the time would come when she needed care. 8 months ago I came home from work and she did not even lift her head. I was used to being completely bombarded by both dogs and my son the minute I walked in the door everyday. I panicked. We took her to a new vet. Dr. Amy Young. She was kind and thorough and honest. We started with painkillers, which worked wonders. We added more meds in the coming months and then I took some away. Tumors were popping up everywhere. She could not get up on her own anymore. She wasn't eating well and wasn't drinking enough because she could not get to her water bowl on her own. She lost control of her bowels. That was when I knew it was time. I could have probably dragged this out a little longer but she deserved dignity and we were passing that point. Her cries in the middle of the last 2 nights were heart wrenching. Sweet Dr. Young took us in, gave us time and assured me she was ready even though I wasn't. I needed to hear that. It is the only thing keeping me some what together.

I cradled her head and rubbed her and told her what a pretty girl she was and that I loved her and she was gone.

It was the worst moment of my life.

I have cried to the point of migraines and vomiting. To say I loved her just doesn't even begin to explain how I feel for her.

I was lucky to have had her in my life. The grief I feel is proof of what an excellent companion she was. Even though it was horrible I had to be there. I had to hold her. She deserved that. Please if you are reading this and you ever have to walk in my shoes do not let your animal go alone. For all the unconditional love they give you the best gift you can give them is to go humanely in the loving arms of the one thing they lived for.

The house is quiet and empty.